It is probably the right time for a closure. The One who has been an extrovert, open-minded and easily accessible person needs to close herself down from certain things and people now. It ain't something to be done under a sudden emotional outburst or out of a prospective philophobia. This is perhaps a very deliberate action, just so a certain part of myself restores its sanity and doesn't lose it to outside forces unless the right one, who proves himself to be the right one, finally arrives.
I have always believed in love; in crazily mindboggling type of love that can drive you nuts and make love ooze out of every particle of your being. Because I have been through it, I know how it feels to love someone like that. And I also know such a thing isn't to happen again because once your heart is broken in a certain way, it can never be the same. Of course there is a possibility that next time I will be wiser at things but it also means lacking that rawness!
With my virtues running the opposite side, my mind and heart declared a cold war this time..It's so cold that I get shivers at the thoughts of it. My mind tells me to be mean, go away from people and not to trust in anyone completely, not even in my own thoughts. Heart tells me that everything has a reason, everything is made up of love and that it's OK to get hurt, its all a lesson after all.
Somewhere in between, I am juggling!
But what I have realized is that sometimes being alone is all that brings you peace. Of course being in company of some friends is always cheerful but to settle all the chaos from within its important to be alone and be OK with it.
I feel sad for those who think being alone is a sign of sadness.
If you cannot tolerate yourself alone, imagine how hard it would be for others to tolerate you.
With that note, I feel a little more joyous about my contentment with myself and to be able to surpass the wall guarding my heart and enter it, it won't be easy anymore.
