Where did all my energy go?
There was something in me when you were here.
Something that kept my energy high. Something that got lost in the abyss of my brokenness the moment you left.
I regained and rebuilt every part of me that got broken down into wrecks of nothingness two years back.
I even recreated some new things within me that made me look up to life with a great level of optimism. But after all that, even today I lack the enthusiasm that once belonged to me when you were around.
Often I tell myself that I feel like this because I miss you and probably it's all temporary. But two years of persistent lack of it makes me want to look for an answer.
And so I ask myself daily, without fail, what is it that I had back then, what was my source of enthusiasm and liveliness, the source of an unending smile and relentless hope, my source of joy, optimism and courage? What was it?
It's surprising how knowing this answer makes me want to avoid the answer more and more.
The answer was perhaps very simple.
I had with me, the strength of love, of unbelievably beautiful and mind-bogglingly crazy love that charged me up instantly. The love for a lover like none on planet earth. The love that made miracles happen to me. Whose glimpse would bring floods of joy. Whose touch would turn lava into icebergs. Whose presence would cure my physical ailments as if it were a personalised medicine designed to cure me alone!
The love that was just an illusion created by me within my head, that never existed in the world we live in and so when my bubble burst, reality flashed itself to me and I saw that my enthusiasm was stolen in seconds.
But sadly, the question still remains.. Where did all my energy go?
