What it is Like to Miss My Baby Sister

It is one of those days when I woke up with the thought of my childhood memories with my baby sister.

Though she's a cousin, the bond that we share is beyond any blood relation. I have known her since the time she was born. I have held her and fallen with her down the stairs when she was only months old.

We have laughed together, cried together, done crazy stuff together, eaten together, slept together and even dreamt together.

She's been so much closer to me than my own real sibling.

She has known all my close friends and still remembers their names and the phase in which they've been a part of my life.

It is one of those days when I woke up with a wish to spend time with my little one, talk it all out, laugh, hug and cuddle with my little bundle of love, just like old times!

She was right. We have indeed grown up to become too busy in our futile aspirations that we have no time left to relive those wonderful childhood days.

Perhaps, it is this thought which wakes me up to live up for something more meaningful..

Perhaps, that is what her remembrance is meant to make me learn! 

When Life as is Feels Like a Series of Serendipities

None of what I have right now is what I was ever looking for, but all of what I have right now is the best that could have ever happened to me.

This job, this city, this liberating feeling that the sea brings, the support and love that I receive from my family, My Sahil, my friends Deepanshi, Bhavna, Shivani, Shilpa my family-like colleagues Shalini and Srejita who count days when I am away, just to pamper me with all that love once I am back, what-all and what-not, I could go on counting them!

Today, as I look back at the 24 years of my life, I come to realize that my life has offered me way beyond what I could have found by myself and I am just grateful.

I believe that all our life is but a jigsaw puzzle. We look for the right piece of the puzzle every moment, whether love, friendship, career, or just the place. But we don't really appreciate how beautiful the jigsaw puzzle looks when we do find and fix the perfect pieces, whether we find it early in our lives or later. Rather we complain about what we have not found yet, and how incomplete the jigsaw is without those pieces!

Sitting with myself in my most favorite month, I think of all the pieces of my puzzle so far and adore how they fit in perfectly and how beautiful the jigsaw of my life looks right now!

Indeed my life is just a collation of a series of serendipities, joining themselves into my own personal jigsawed picture, which looks absolutely adorable right now!

I'm so grateful!

What Long Distance Love Story Feels Like

It's funny how love makes you feel both weak and strong at the very same time! 

It's such a complementary contradiction to live with and go through.

I've spent weeks without seeing my beloved and the very feeling of being loved by him seems like a huge source of strength in those days.

But the moment I see him, I go weak in my knees! Like all I need to live from that moment on, is to be in his physical presence. Like even a minute extra with him is another dose of cocaine rushing through my blood; so addictive that I cannot do without him anymore.

And then when reality hits again, and distance becomes inevitable, we move ahead trying to comfort each other by some tiny expressions of love.

That's when I realized that the distance is not what makes us stronger in love, it's the reminiscence of the previous meeting and the hope for the forthcoming meeting, that makes us sustain everything that makes us go weak in love.

I believe Love and strength go in harmony, just like him and I do. They do seem to be contradicting each other once in a while, but they equally complement each other every other day, and so we blossom in love only when there's enough strength in us to handle what comes with it.

You will know that its love, when you ought to know

I don't know what love is. But I know how you can know you are in love.

You'll know that it is love when you become incapable to express how you feel, not just to the one you feel for, but to anyone else in the world.

You'll know that it's love when being nice to each other and keeping each other as priority does not seem to be an obligation or a tedious task.

You'll know that it's love when you are neither insecure about tomorrow's uncertainties, nor bothered about yesterday's issues about each other.

You'll know that it's love when you don't have to wait for the other to express the love for you every day, you already know their love.

You'll know that it's love when you feel it's right, when something within you knocks and tells you THIS IS IT.

So don't be in a rush when you get attracted to someone for you'll know that it's love only when you ought to know!

She ain't Alive

The person that I was is already dead.

She was passion, she was cheer, but she's no more here. 

She was craze, she was fun, but you'll never see her around. 

She loved life from every bit, but now I've killed all of it.

So now the person that you knew has gone too far.

Don't be sorry​, for you did nothing to tear her apart. 

Unrequited love and friendship was the truth of her life,

But don't you worry, she won't bother you for she ain't alive...

How She'll Lose Herself

"I will go silent some day. 

I won't be chatty anymore.

I will be calmer and wiser.

I'll subside everything that ​impacts me.

I will be indifferent.

I will be prettier. I will be wittier and smarter.

I will be more acceptable to you.

Because I'm building my own tomorrow with the learnings and remains of yesteryears.

And when I reach there, don't come to me and ask me to be the same person again, for I will forget how I am now and that self will be gone forever."

So said the girl who once lived valiantly, as she now fell prey to the need for being accepted!

Lessons From The Journey - II (Friendships)

1. Do not add prefixes to your friends or Don't categorize or label friendship. They're either friends or someone you just know. 

Every time you categorize friends like best friends/close friends/just friends, you're making a mistake of believing that they're gonna fit into​ the category even in future, which is IMPOSSIBLE. 

Friends are friends. They can change into someone you just know (in future) and it's ok. 

We're all evolving in life and also in friendships, so It's okay. Breathe out and let 'em go!

2. Each friend of yours is different from you at different levels, and you may also have something in common. Accepting them and not analysing every detail of what they do (or do not) is only gonna save you from wasting your time and effort. Most importantly trying to change them to suit your way is the meanest thing you can do to them. So Accept and Don't analyse/judge friends.

3. You may start with a dozen friends, but as you evolve, you'll be left with only one or two, who may have not even been a part of the dozen friends that you started out with. So if you are at the verge of exhausting your dozen and you think you're gonna live a friendless life, like I feel, just make yourself the friend who's gonna be there for you, and be happy with the ones who are still left.

4. If your friends are not reliable, are not there for you at the times of crises, don't bother to know your well-being, or just stick around you for their needs (or fun) and leave you after the need is over, don't hesitate in removing them from your priorities.

5. Friendships are important. So are relationships. If friendship is like the kidneys, relationship is like the lungs. You need both. Damaging either one for the sake of the other is only doing harm to you, for you need both to function normally. Strike a balance.

6. There is a thin, invisible line between you and your friends. And that line is called privacy. Maintain.

Nothingness is inevitable

I dream, but I seek nothing.

I want, but I need nothing.

I love, but I ask nothing.

I hurt, but I mean nothing.

I speak, but I know nothing.

I share, but I have nothing.

What the Moon Teaches Me Every Fortnight

The moon, which is the very reason for many of the planetary happenings on earth, is more than just a satellite.

Every time I used to stare at the moon, I used to find a face on it. On my sad days, the face too seemed sad and on all the other days it seemed just like a normal face.

I have wondered why different people see different images on the moon and the some who see nothing at all called us Lunatics; and I don't deny that I am one. Because lunatic comes from Lunar, which is the moon :)

My friend and I always found full moons fascinating. We noted how every full moon night made us do something crazy; both good and bad.

But only very recently have I learnt how the moon reminds us of a fundamental truth of life, that EVERYTHING IS CHANGING, YET IS JUST THE SAME.

On the surface, moon is continuously evolving for the first 15 days since the new moon and continuously depleting itself back for the next 15 days till the next new moon. Yet, the real shape of the moon, the real effect of the Moon, it's inner self, it's reality, it's highest truth, REMAINS JUST THE SAME.

That's how our human life too is. On the surface, our lives are continuously evolving and depleting and Changing for the better and changing for the worst. What we often keep seeing is that surface alone. We see our lives as the moon that keeps changing but not as the one that stays the same.

But little do we notice that our inner self is what we are. That's what will never change. It'll never deplete. It'll be the same throughout. Our body will cease like the moon ceases after every fortnight but it'll be born again, and we'll start afresh and shine bright on the earth all over again, till it again start to cease.

But we won't cease for We're the real moon, the one that stays the same throughout time. It's been staying the same for a million years now. Yet, every fortnight it's a new journey.

That's how I think we should take our lives. Nothing is too big a deal. Any day is a good day to start afresh because Change happens only around us and it hardly happens to the real us. Change is on the surface alone. Deep within, we are all the same whole moon that's been bringing tides to the oceans for hundreds of centuries together.

That's what the moon makes me learn.

That I am more than what I perceive myself to be. We all are the same moon.

Do you get what I mean?

The Letter About the Branch Above

(This is a letter that I wrote to a friend, at a time when we'd both been away for too long and the only suited way to communicate was through letters like this. This letter made as big a difference in her life as it made in mine and I keep reading this every now and then for a reminder. With some edits, here's the Letter for you all.)

Dear Love,

I told you I would write to you. And this is something I wanna tell you today.

One of the many things I have noticed about my life that keeps me happy is that I have made peace with the past. Whatever it was, it is over. However good or bad, it ain't coming back.

I found myself with a choice between bitterness and indifference.Bitterness is not my cup of tea and trust me, indifference is acquired only after going through painful, teary nights. But then one day, when I was probably done crying about my life, I wondered how many more days am I going to whine about these things?

These things had to happen for us to understand something, for us to learn something. I still don't know what the learning is, but I'm stronger than I was yesterday.

I saw, that for a long time i was looking at life from one branch below where I am today. And so everything seemed hopeless.

After tirelessly trying to keep myself happy, busy and distracted for months together, I finally climbed up one branch and now I see things making a little more sense.

I hope you remember what I told you on the day when we stayed over together: "It all begins with you taking responsibility for your happiness."

God won't fix everything for us, we need to be our own god for certain things, especially our happiness.

I noted that as and when i get sad, if tears did come out, I let them out. After crying for a while I realise how my tears won't mend things nor would bring back those who left me, nor would reverse the time for me to fix everything back from where it started.

That's what I still do. I have taken this responsibility of my own happiness and when I do happen to face low days, I let myself be for a while, and then pick myself right back up and walk ahead, whenever I'm ready. 

If it had to work out, it would have worked out right then... And if it is to work out in future, it will, eventually.

We have only one power in our hands: to bring ourselves back to happiness. 

So, as you keep writing down sad things, there will certainly come a point where you'd be so exhausted and done with writing sad things that you would not want to write sad things anymore. When you do feel that way, My love, you will realise that you have taken responsibility for your happiness.

Until then, all you have to do is let things flow but do not let it flow you along, do not let anything drown you. Be aware.

Don't force yourself to move on,

Make peace with the idea of love and Believe that it exists.

Do not give yourself false hopes but nevertheless, pray for a miracle for you never know when a prayer might get fulfilled.

Love you!