Most often, so many of us get tangled between having to deal with the three of these heavy words, that bring with them, a sense of constant need for validation from time to time. And if you so fail to prove yourself, god save you from the emotional ride that is sure to follow!
But lately, I have been on the other side of the scenario- the one in which we demand proof instead.
Honestly, even when I did (indirectly) demand proof of someone's commitment and priorities towards me, I hadn't the slightest of idea how exhausting it must be for someone to try and prove something so simple yet so complex as love, especially when they are in a situation when they already know that they have disappointed you over and over again, even if unintentionally, and also know they couldn't have done any better any way.
Time and again, we fail to understand, they did what they thought was best for them at that moment and probably, in that situation, we weren't their priority; probably they couldn't think of us like we think of them all the time, in each of our decisions and each of our moves; and probably they wouldn't. Ever.
So what will you do now? Stop caring? Call it the end? Is that all?
Maybe we will move on from the incidents, each time. But even when we do move on from the instance, we fail to let go of the hurt that it caused, so much so that we unintentionally begin to build a wall around ourselves, trying to protect our so-called-fragile heart from another heartbreak by someone we love.
It is funny, you know, how we are trying to guard ourselves from someone who we are the most exposed to. But it is also natural. It is so human.
It is true that little things like how you prioritize your people, how you communicate your sense of commitment towards your relationships with these people directly reflects that you love them. Many of us are gifted with amazing communication skills, so it's gonna be a cake walk for those. But how about those who aren't as good at it? Pity.
Lately, I have come to realize that people may not be good at keeping in touch, may not be able to prioritize you in times you'd like them to, may not even be able to be there for you in certain times of crisis.
To them, you may ask, "Why, then, should I even consider you important?", and your question will certainly remain absolutely valid.
But after you do ask that, pause, and think of a scenario wherein you genuinely want to be there for someone, but your circumstances lead you to choose yourself or something else, over a person you love, in that moment? Be absolutely sure that you are going to have this situation in your life some day ahead, if not already.
Won't you want to be understood that time? Would you like to be questioned like you question?
Would you even care to give a proof, the way you demand from someone else?
I asked myself these questions, and the madness of demanding proof vanished in a jiffy.
Someone can be your priority and yet be rarely in touch with you. You can be absolutely committed to your relationships, especially friendships, and be not very much in touch. And you can also completely do away with all your relationships that do not validate your set of rules; it is absolutely your choice.
As for me -I chose to stay; with the ones who matter to me, after knowing that I matter to them too.
Some of my most valuable relationships are with people who talk to me once in a blue moon, but always ensure they update me about everything happening in their lives. They are also the people who are more than willing to hear me out, if not help me in any other way - and that, is the best kind of help to heal you sometimes.
Also, I have come to terms with a fact that "Understanding" and "Compatibility" does not mean that two people think alike. Rather, it means that two people understand each others' differences of thoughts, actions, perceptions, commitments and priorities, and still choose to be with one another, accept one another.
And most importantly, I have also come to terms with a fact that in any goddamn romantic relationship, MEN WILL TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED- whether knowingly or not, and IT IS JUST HOW THEY ARE PROGRAMMED TO FUNCTION; also THEIR EMOTIONS DO NOT OVER RULE THEM LIKE IT DOES FOR WOMEN.
I have seen my dad taking my mum for granted; my brother taking his girlfriend for granted; my partner taking me for granted; my every girlfriends' partners taking them for granted; even my grandfather taking my grandma's efforts as given! It is just there! You can probably do nothing about it, so stop brooding over it.
This long blog post is also a note to self, for the times ahead, because I know that I am going to need a lot of self motivating pep talks to keep myself going, for I was the one who chose to stay after all.
But lately, I have been on the other side of the scenario- the one in which we demand proof instead.
Honestly, even when I did (indirectly) demand proof of someone's commitment and priorities towards me, I hadn't the slightest of idea how exhausting it must be for someone to try and prove something so simple yet so complex as love, especially when they are in a situation when they already know that they have disappointed you over and over again, even if unintentionally, and also know they couldn't have done any better any way.
Time and again, we fail to understand, they did what they thought was best for them at that moment and probably, in that situation, we weren't their priority; probably they couldn't think of us like we think of them all the time, in each of our decisions and each of our moves; and probably they wouldn't. Ever.
So what will you do now? Stop caring? Call it the end? Is that all?
Maybe we will move on from the incidents, each time. But even when we do move on from the instance, we fail to let go of the hurt that it caused, so much so that we unintentionally begin to build a wall around ourselves, trying to protect our so-called-fragile heart from another heartbreak by someone we love.
It is funny, you know, how we are trying to guard ourselves from someone who we are the most exposed to. But it is also natural. It is so human.
It is true that little things like how you prioritize your people, how you communicate your sense of commitment towards your relationships with these people directly reflects that you love them. Many of us are gifted with amazing communication skills, so it's gonna be a cake walk for those. But how about those who aren't as good at it? Pity.
Lately, I have come to realize that people may not be good at keeping in touch, may not be able to prioritize you in times you'd like them to, may not even be able to be there for you in certain times of crisis.
To them, you may ask, "Why, then, should I even consider you important?", and your question will certainly remain absolutely valid.
But after you do ask that, pause, and think of a scenario wherein you genuinely want to be there for someone, but your circumstances lead you to choose yourself or something else, over a person you love, in that moment? Be absolutely sure that you are going to have this situation in your life some day ahead, if not already.
Won't you want to be understood that time? Would you like to be questioned like you question?
Would you even care to give a proof, the way you demand from someone else?
I asked myself these questions, and the madness of demanding proof vanished in a jiffy.
Someone can be your priority and yet be rarely in touch with you. You can be absolutely committed to your relationships, especially friendships, and be not very much in touch. And you can also completely do away with all your relationships that do not validate your set of rules; it is absolutely your choice.
As for me -I chose to stay; with the ones who matter to me, after knowing that I matter to them too.
Some of my most valuable relationships are with people who talk to me once in a blue moon, but always ensure they update me about everything happening in their lives. They are also the people who are more than willing to hear me out, if not help me in any other way - and that, is the best kind of help to heal you sometimes.
Also, I have come to terms with a fact that "Understanding" and "Compatibility" does not mean that two people think alike. Rather, it means that two people understand each others' differences of thoughts, actions, perceptions, commitments and priorities, and still choose to be with one another, accept one another.
And most importantly, I have also come to terms with a fact that in any goddamn romantic relationship, MEN WILL TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED- whether knowingly or not, and IT IS JUST HOW THEY ARE PROGRAMMED TO FUNCTION; also THEIR EMOTIONS DO NOT OVER RULE THEM LIKE IT DOES FOR WOMEN.
I have seen my dad taking my mum for granted; my brother taking his girlfriend for granted; my partner taking me for granted; my every girlfriends' partners taking them for granted; even my grandfather taking my grandma's efforts as given! It is just there! You can probably do nothing about it, so stop brooding over it.
This long blog post is also a note to self, for the times ahead, because I know that I am going to need a lot of self motivating pep talks to keep myself going, for I was the one who chose to stay after all.
