Nothingness is inevitable

I dream, but I seek nothing.

I want, but I need nothing.

I love, but I ask nothing.

I hurt, but I mean nothing.

I speak, but I know nothing.

I share, but I have nothing.

What the Moon Teaches Me Every Fortnight

The moon, which is the very reason for many of the planetary happenings on earth, is more than just a satellite.

Every time I used to stare at the moon, I used to find a face on it. On my sad days, the face too seemed sad and on all the other days it seemed just like a normal face.

I have wondered why different people see different images on the moon and the some who see nothing at all called us Lunatics; and I don't deny that I am one. Because lunatic comes from Lunar, which is the moon :)

My friend and I always found full moons fascinating. We noted how every full moon night made us do something crazy; both good and bad.

But only very recently have I learnt how the moon reminds us of a fundamental truth of life, that EVERYTHING IS CHANGING, YET IS JUST THE SAME.

On the surface, moon is continuously evolving for the first 15 days since the new moon and continuously depleting itself back for the next 15 days till the next new moon. Yet, the real shape of the moon, the real effect of the Moon, it's inner self, it's reality, it's highest truth, REMAINS JUST THE SAME.

That's how our human life too is. On the surface, our lives are continuously evolving and depleting and Changing for the better and changing for the worst. What we often keep seeing is that surface alone. We see our lives as the moon that keeps changing but not as the one that stays the same.

But little do we notice that our inner self is what we are. That's what will never change. It'll never deplete. It'll be the same throughout. Our body will cease like the moon ceases after every fortnight but it'll be born again, and we'll start afresh and shine bright on the earth all over again, till it again start to cease.

But we won't cease for We're the real moon, the one that stays the same throughout time. It's been staying the same for a million years now. Yet, every fortnight it's a new journey.

That's how I think we should take our lives. Nothing is too big a deal. Any day is a good day to start afresh because Change happens only around us and it hardly happens to the real us. Change is on the surface alone. Deep within, we are all the same whole moon that's been bringing tides to the oceans for hundreds of centuries together.

That's what the moon makes me learn.

That I am more than what I perceive myself to be. We all are the same moon.

Do you get what I mean?

The Letter About the Branch Above

(This is a letter that I wrote to a friend, at a time when we'd both been away for too long and the only suited way to communicate was through letters like this. This letter made as big a difference in her life as it made in mine and I keep reading this every now and then for a reminder. With some edits, here's the Letter for you all.)

Dear Love,

I told you I would write to you. And this is something I wanna tell you today.

One of the many things I have noticed about my life that keeps me happy is that I have made peace with the past. Whatever it was, it is over. However good or bad, it ain't coming back.

I found myself with a choice between bitterness and indifference.Bitterness is not my cup of tea and trust me, indifference is acquired only after going through painful, teary nights. But then one day, when I was probably done crying about my life, I wondered how many more days am I going to whine about these things?

These things had to happen for us to understand something, for us to learn something. I still don't know what the learning is, but I'm stronger than I was yesterday.

I saw, that for a long time i was looking at life from one branch below where I am today. And so everything seemed hopeless.

After tirelessly trying to keep myself happy, busy and distracted for months together, I finally climbed up one branch and now I see things making a little more sense.

I hope you remember what I told you on the day when we stayed over together: "It all begins with you taking responsibility for your happiness."

God won't fix everything for us, we need to be our own god for certain things, especially our happiness.

I noted that as and when i get sad, if tears did come out, I let them out. After crying for a while I realise how my tears won't mend things nor would bring back those who left me, nor would reverse the time for me to fix everything back from where it started.

That's what I still do. I have taken this responsibility of my own happiness and when I do happen to face low days, I let myself be for a while, and then pick myself right back up and walk ahead, whenever I'm ready. 

If it had to work out, it would have worked out right then... And if it is to work out in future, it will, eventually.

We have only one power in our hands: to bring ourselves back to happiness. 

So, as you keep writing down sad things, there will certainly come a point where you'd be so exhausted and done with writing sad things that you would not want to write sad things anymore. When you do feel that way, My love, you will realise that you have taken responsibility for your happiness.

Until then, all you have to do is let things flow but do not let it flow you along, do not let anything drown you. Be aware.

Don't force yourself to move on,

Make peace with the idea of love and Believe that it exists.

Do not give yourself false hopes but nevertheless, pray for a miracle for you never know when a prayer might get fulfilled.

Love you!

Why Pune Makes Me Sad, Despite All The Excitement That It Offers!

Though I like Pune a lot for its weather, Organized roads, the landscape and the blue skies, and a lot of other things, a part of me is saddened by this place right from day 1.

And that part is that of a daughter who incessantly loves her old man!

My dad, who's in his mid-50s, is compelled by his circumstances to live away from his family that puts up in Delhi. For most part of his career, he's lived in Delhi, with us.

Why this place hurts me is because the neighborhood isn't as warm and welcoming as it is in Delhi. And more so because people living in taller buildings  keep their warmth and compassion locked up  in a closet.

And as he took me around the place, I realized how the only people who spoke with him were other lonely elderly people in the neighborhood, as they had no one to talk to either. This came as a sudden slap on my face, as if I've failed to do something that I could have, to make his situation any better. As if I've failed to keep the promise of giving him a comfortable life. Because I suddenly realized that my dad's been silently leading a suffocating lonely life, at an age where he should be relaxing with his family.

And when I was left alone in this house for some 15 minutes, all I could hear was nothing at all. Silence is good only in a limit and I realized how the quietness can hit you hard, especially when you are used to being in a lively place all your life.

Also, Dad tells me that the people here are a bit closed when it comes to being social and celebrating festivities in the neighborhood. And having come from Delhi's Cosmo culture, I know how suffocating that would feel like.

The city that once excited me, suddenly makes me feel sad, not because it's a bad place, but because of the entire experience that my favorite man has been going through. And Of course this can happen in any other city too. But this is just how Pune made me feel for now!

What A Perennial Lack of Energy Feels Like

Where did all my energy go? 

There was something in me when you were here. 

Something that kept my energy high. Something that got lost in the abyss of my brokenness the moment you left.

I regained and rebuilt every part of me that got broken down into wrecks of nothingness two years back. 

I even recreated some new things within me that made me look up to life with a great level of optimism. But after all that, even today I lack the enthusiasm that once belonged to me when you were around. 

Often I tell myself that I feel like this because I miss you and probably it's all temporary. But two years of persistent lack of it makes me want to look for an answer.

And so I ask myself daily, without fail, what is it that I had back then, what was my source of enthusiasm and liveliness, the source of an unending smile and relentless hope, my source of joy, optimism and courage? What was it?

It's surprising how knowing this answer makes me want to avoid the answer more and more.

The answer was perhaps very simple.

I had with me, the strength of love, of unbelievably beautiful and mind-bogglingly crazy love that charged me up instantly. The love for a lover like none on planet earth. The love that made miracles happen to me. Whose glimpse would bring floods of joy. Whose touch would turn lava into icebergs. Whose presence would cure my physical ailments as if it were a personalised medicine designed to cure me alone! 

The love that was just an illusion created by me within my head, that never existed in the world we live in and so when my bubble burst, reality flashed itself to me and I saw that my enthusiasm was stolen in seconds.

But sadly, the question still remains.. Where did all my energy go?

Lessons from the Journey - I

#1 Be there for all, but expect none for yourself. If you could be there for them, you can certainly be your own hero too.

#2 If running behind money brings happiness to you, you'll never know what life is really about.

#3 The moment you feel sick about being sad, realize that you are taking responsibility for your happiness.

#4 Life is too small to keep cribbing over little things. Acknowledge great days, learn from the worst, but keep moving.

#5 Even if you could manage to make sure one person's life becomes better because of your presence, you can be sure that your life's been fruitful.

#6 To any challenge that approaches you for the first time, begin with a "Yes" instead of a "No".

#7 The best way to ascertain whether someone is worth trusting or not, is to actually trust them and see.

#8 If by doing something or being with Someone, you feel a constant sense of irritation or unrest, move away from it.

#9 Learning from other's experiences is wise. But don't rely on them.

#10 We should not abandon communication all together, but remember that people value words more when there are fewer of them.

What Happens When You Spend Too Much Time with an Incisive, Witty Woman

This post is my first ever post about my observations and experience with a dear friend, a colleague and an extremely fascinating little woman.

I have known her for two years now, but I happen to spend almost the entire day with her lately, ever-since we became colleagues-cum-cabinmates.

She's one of those differently insightful people, who always brings forth an alternative way of assessing an event, a situation or a person. The kind of person who makes you want to improve yourself, especially in terms of knowledge. 

The way she involves herself into deep knowledgeable information, constantly trying to push the futile, distractive  elements away, is inspiring. 

She's one of those whose judgements are 95% reliable and she never lets her thoughts lie idle at the corner of her brain and keeps thinking, rethinking (also at times overthinking) things happening around the world (and also around her life).

And oh my she's witty! She cracks a joke or two in a day, that ends up making us laugh about it till the time she finds another joke to make our ribs hurt in laughing.

What happened when I started spending more time with her is that my perspectives on looking at events became matured. I started analysing things differently, in a better way, with enough practical information at its base. She's someone who doesn't open her mouth on things she has no knowledge about, but when she does speak, you'll know that she has well-researched the things, read several articles or posts about it, before coming to the conclusion. At times she also explain the one event or situation with two different perspectives, leaving you to think on your own and arrive at your own opinion.

You know thats what is inspiring. That's what makes wise and learned people stand out in a crowd. They have an opinion but do not impose it on someone else. Nor do they demean someone's opinion because it doesn't match with theirs. They simply accept difference of opinion and also provide ample information for one to analyse things and arrive at a conclusion on their own. She's got the potential of being a great leader for she's so forward-looking and optimistic. Her sense of national pride is another thing that makes me adore her.

And when she does lack knowledge on something, she'll be open  enough for accepting it and learn more. Her quest for knowledge is astonishing and I see a little bit of her growing in me too, for I have started quoting her in my conversations lately.

That's what strong, insightful women do; They make you grow without having to teach you anything per se.

In these four months of work, I have grown more as an individual with greater knowledge and a wider perspective than as a professional with greater work skills. And she plays a big role in making me this way.

That's what happens when you have an  incisive, witty woman around.

Her name is Bhavna Jaidwal and I am happy to accompanied by her :)

PS 

I haven't been paid for marketing her goodness on my blog :P  and these really are my observations of her. :)