What Lacking a Listener Feels Like

For the most part of my life, I have been the constant chatterer and have perennially managed to hold on to someone too dear to listen to whatever I say, without passing any judgement nor giving any unnecessary opinions. For the most part of my life, perhaps that is why, I have been happy, cheerful and extremely light-hearted, because as and when anything would bother me, I always had someone to vent it out at. And trust me that felt great.

However, as my friends keep reminding me, things constantly change. What was, is not necessarily going to be in future as well. And so as time passed on, we grew up and people regarded time as money and because materialism is so important and others' feelings had hardly any place  in their lives, people had no time for listening to chatterers like me.

Hence, in the process of making the most of their time, my listeners went on in their lives and I luckily managed to find someone or the other to speak to, until one day my closest listener,in fact the best one ever, began to find my words and my way of venting-out to be wasting his precious time, which otherwise could have been used in the most productive way in making a good career. 

Oh how shattered I was to know that the one who unopinionatedly listened to me, found the same words as useless and boring which he once found innocent and chirpy! 

And then as time went on, I found, one-by-one, everybody wants to speak, but nobody wants to listen. I realized, how I have never had a listener in me. I could never be like the same listener I had been holding on to for years. And being a person who strongly believes in karma, I chose to be a good listener for I know how it feels to lack one, hoping that someday Newton's third law of motion will work for me, and I get back what I hereon give around..

Throughout my journey in the past 2 years, not even once have I come across a friend who listens just for letting me vent out, just like my best listener did. Perhaps this is one of the many reasons why I miss him for nobody can ever replace his presence in my life. And so I started to choose what to vent-out in front of whom... But that! that kills the rawness of the moment and the rawness of the feelings. 

Once I began realizing that none of them want to see the rawness in another person, I preferred to keep mum.

But for a human who has never stopped chirping for 20 years of her life, to keep mum is nothing less than her emotions being imprisoned. And so it was.

That's what it feels like when you lack a listener. 

I don't know when and how, but I know and I can see that people will grow in life and realize the importance of being raw at heart.

Guess my Karma too shall work for me someday..

Until then, let's keep listening.. :)