ये जुनून-II

मेरा जुनून साहिल है।
साहिल, जो मेरे भीतर है।
जिसमें भीगी हूं मैं। डूबी हूं मैं। आकंठ।
साहिल, जिसका किनारा भी मैं। मौज भी मैं।


साहिल, जिसे सोचकर ही मुस्कुरा लेती हूं मैं।
जिसे बिना देखे भी देख लेती हूं मैं।
जिससे न टकराकर भी, मिल लेती हूं मैं।
साहिल, जिससे होकर गुज़रती हूं मैं रोज़ाना।
साहिल, जो थोड़ा सा मेरे भीतर और उतर जाता है रोज़ाना। 

Why I walk away

If I love you, I would never ask you for too much. Neither attention, nor anything fancy or material.

If you've known me, you'll know that I either love or I don't.
I know not anything in the middle;  There is no grey area in my love. And this applies to my love for my friends too

But, I stay only till I'm respected, even if not loved back with the same intensity.

As long as my love is being respected, and I'm being respected, I need nothing in return from you.

Else, I walk away, with no answers given, no questions asked.

And I'll tell you why.
I may love you with all passion, with all my heart and soul into you. I can go leaps and bounds in love.
But I love myself as much or even more than I love anyone else.

So if I see myself being disrespected, or my love being disrespected, there's no going back from there.
No redemption. No amends.
I drift. That's that.

ये जुनून

मेरा जुनून "साहिल" है।
"साहिल", जो मेरे भीतर है।
जिसमें भीगी हूं मैं। डूबी हूं मैं। आकंठ।
"साहिल", जिसका किनारा भी मैं, और मौज भी मैं।

(विशेष धन्यवाद उन्हें, जिन्होंने मेरे जुनून को पहचान कर मेरे लिए यह लिखा)

Can I, please, just live as I am?

Can I, for once, just say how empty I feel, without being judged for being so emotional?

Can I, for once, just show my emotions out, without being asked to be more tough?

Can I, for once, just shed out my anger, without being told that I'm a total emotional piece of wreck?

Can I, for once, just let myself be true to every natural human feeling, without being adviced that emotions make you weak?

Can I, please, for once, just talk it all out to you without being given a pile of suggestions and advices to follow?

And Can I, for once, just rely on you for being my listener, and not my judge or guide at this moment?

Why is there an urge in everyone to show themselves as someone so tough and rigid and almost stone-like on the outside?

Why is there an urge in people to do everything possible to conceal their vulnerabilities?

And Why is there an urge in people to immediately tell people to toughen up, the very moment they feel something deeper than they're told to feel?

I don't understand how this masked life works really!
Can I, please, just live as I am, without having to pay a price for every genuine word I say and every genuine deed I do?

Can I, please?

Knowing so little; Being so little

Punched two new holes in my heart;
One from my expectations and another from the disappointment that followed.

Words matter just as much as actions do.
For sometimes, all I expected from the world is a few kind, meaningful and genuine words.

But little did I know that kind words either make no meaning to people today, or lack genuineness in its very basis.

Then, I expected a few kind actions from the people around me.  But little did I know that kind actions have some hidden intentions too.

Little did I know that all this while, the very problem was the expectations, and that the disappointment was meant to follow.