In a very recent encounter, I happened to fall into the trap of feeling like an 'unloved' younger sibling, which was pretty much on contrary to the commonly perceived notion of the younger sibling receiving all the love from the parents, with additional pampering from the elder sibling.
For a long time, I was in fact the most loved at my place, with my elder one always ready to protect me and beat up anyone who happens to be even an inch-close to bullying me as a child.
As we grew up, I realized how he lacked the maturity that an elder one must have; that protectiveness faded, the priorities clearly changed, the love was concealed, and most importantly, there wasn't someone for me to look up to for advice, as opposed to what used to be when we were kids.
And then, there came this time, when I was surrounded by a bunch of elder siblings, who were head-over-heals in love with their younger ones; so much so that they treat them like their 'first baby' (which is the exact phrase that I got when I asked them what makes them love their little one so much). And it was strange because I have never experienced a sibling love of that kind, EVER in my life.
More recently, I have even seen a couple of my closest people shattering down at the sight of pain of their younger one, and I failed to understand why I have not been as loved as these younger siblings.
And so, the most obvious happened; I thought the flaw is in me. I thought I wasn't good enough to be loved like the others. I thought my relationship with my elder one is probably too dysfunctional (which you'll understand if you read my one-liner post on 'Dysfunctional Brotherhood').
But then I understood that this is where the age-gap matters. I saw examples of most dysfunctional siblinghoods wherein the age-gap being too little made all the sense to explain why as adults, these siblings grew apart, and why the love gets concealed, and why the protectiveness fades.
The feeling of 'He/She's almost as old as me' prevails throughout in this relationship, particularly after adulthood.
And more importantly, I understood that what makes a fonder siblinghood is simply the fact that the elder ones is 'elder enough' to have that natural instinct to protect and pamper, and the younger one is 'younger enough' to feel the need to have a safe haven in their elder siblings.
The lack of either (or both) of these, just makes this siblinghood unintentionally distant.
And obviously, things may not be as simplistic as I have put it out here, but I think, this works well as an explanation to gladden my heart that at least, it has got nothing to do with either of us, it is just something beyond our control.
And perhaps, there's still a possibility that this may get better in future, you never know.
For a long time, I was in fact the most loved at my place, with my elder one always ready to protect me and beat up anyone who happens to be even an inch-close to bullying me as a child.
As we grew up, I realized how he lacked the maturity that an elder one must have; that protectiveness faded, the priorities clearly changed, the love was concealed, and most importantly, there wasn't someone for me to look up to for advice, as opposed to what used to be when we were kids.
And then, there came this time, when I was surrounded by a bunch of elder siblings, who were head-over-heals in love with their younger ones; so much so that they treat them like their 'first baby' (which is the exact phrase that I got when I asked them what makes them love their little one so much). And it was strange because I have never experienced a sibling love of that kind, EVER in my life.
More recently, I have even seen a couple of my closest people shattering down at the sight of pain of their younger one, and I failed to understand why I have not been as loved as these younger siblings.
And so, the most obvious happened; I thought the flaw is in me. I thought I wasn't good enough to be loved like the others. I thought my relationship with my elder one is probably too dysfunctional (which you'll understand if you read my one-liner post on 'Dysfunctional Brotherhood').
But then I understood that this is where the age-gap matters. I saw examples of most dysfunctional siblinghoods wherein the age-gap being too little made all the sense to explain why as adults, these siblings grew apart, and why the love gets concealed, and why the protectiveness fades.
The feeling of 'He/She's almost as old as me' prevails throughout in this relationship, particularly after adulthood.
And more importantly, I understood that what makes a fonder siblinghood is simply the fact that the elder ones is 'elder enough' to have that natural instinct to protect and pamper, and the younger one is 'younger enough' to feel the need to have a safe haven in their elder siblings.
The lack of either (or both) of these, just makes this siblinghood unintentionally distant.
And obviously, things may not be as simplistic as I have put it out here, but I think, this works well as an explanation to gladden my heart that at least, it has got nothing to do with either of us, it is just something beyond our control.
And perhaps, there's still a possibility that this may get better in future, you never know.
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