A Shut-down point

It is probably the right time for a closure. The One who has been an extrovert, open-minded and easily accessible person needs to close herself down from certain things and people now. It ain't something to be done under a sudden emotional outburst or out of a prospective philophobia. This is perhaps a very deliberate action, just so a certain part of myself restores its sanity and doesn't lose it to outside forces unless the right one, who proves himself to be the right one, finally arrives.

I have always believed in love; in crazily mindboggling type of love that can drive you nuts and make love ooze out of every particle of your being. Because I have been through it, I know how it feels to love someone like that. And I also know such a thing isn't to happen again because once your heart is broken in a certain way, it can never be the same. Of course there is a possibility that next time I will be wiser at things but it also means lacking that rawness!
With my virtues running the opposite side, my mind and heart declared a cold war this time..It's so cold that I get shivers at the thoughts of it. My mind tells me to be mean, go away from people and not to trust in anyone completely, not even in my own thoughts. Heart tells me that everything has a reason, everything is made up of love and that it's OK to get hurt, its all a lesson after all.
Somewhere in between, I am juggling!
But what I have realized is that sometimes being alone is all that brings you peace. Of course being in company of some friends is always cheerful but to settle all the chaos from within its important to be alone and be OK with it.
I feel sad for those who think being alone is a sign of sadness.
If you cannot tolerate yourself alone, imagine how hard it would be for others to tolerate you.

With that note, I feel a little more joyous about my contentment with myself and to be able to surpass the wall guarding my heart and enter it, it won't be easy anymore.

What Lacking a Listener Feels Like

For the most part of my life, I have been the constant chatterer and have perennially managed to hold on to someone too dear to listen to whatever I say, without passing any judgement nor giving any unnecessary opinions. For the most part of my life, perhaps that is why, I have been happy, cheerful and extremely light-hearted, because as and when anything would bother me, I always had someone to vent it out at. And trust me that felt great.

However, as my friends keep reminding me, things constantly change. What was, is not necessarily going to be in future as well. And so as time passed on, we grew up and people regarded time as money and because materialism is so important and others' feelings had hardly any place  in their lives, people had no time for listening to chatterers like me.

Hence, in the process of making the most of their time, my listeners went on in their lives and I luckily managed to find someone or the other to speak to, until one day my closest listener,in fact the best one ever, began to find my words and my way of venting-out to be wasting his precious time, which otherwise could have been used in the most productive way in making a good career. 

Oh how shattered I was to know that the one who unopinionatedly listened to me, found the same words as useless and boring which he once found innocent and chirpy! 

And then as time went on, I found, one-by-one, everybody wants to speak, but nobody wants to listen. I realized, how I have never had a listener in me. I could never be like the same listener I had been holding on to for years. And being a person who strongly believes in karma, I chose to be a good listener for I know how it feels to lack one, hoping that someday Newton's third law of motion will work for me, and I get back what I hereon give around..

Throughout my journey in the past 2 years, not even once have I come across a friend who listens just for letting me vent out, just like my best listener did. Perhaps this is one of the many reasons why I miss him for nobody can ever replace his presence in my life. And so I started to choose what to vent-out in front of whom... But that! that kills the rawness of the moment and the rawness of the feelings. 

Once I began realizing that none of them want to see the rawness in another person, I preferred to keep mum.

But for a human who has never stopped chirping for 20 years of her life, to keep mum is nothing less than her emotions being imprisoned. And so it was.

That's what it feels like when you lack a listener. 

I don't know when and how, but I know and I can see that people will grow in life and realize the importance of being raw at heart.

Guess my Karma too shall work for me someday..

Until then, let's keep listening.. :)

The New Beginning

My previous blog, which was full of emotions and poetic representations is very close to my heart but every good thing does come to an end it seems.
For some reason, i have stopped writing poems and this blog is just a new beginning
Of-late i realized that people are just so guarded, fearful and protective of their life that they don't share any of their experiences. There's nothing wrong about it, of course. But this lack of rawness amongst people have grown so much it's quite unwelcoming for people to share their life experiences out in open. Nonetheless I thought about awakening my true, unguarded and fearless side and so this blog.
It's my JOURNEY

They say that it's not the destination but the journey that makes life worth living and my journey has just begun. Every now and then we all have this deep introspective phase and we think, rethink, overthink and come up to certain conclusion but we often forget it. But have you noticed, if somebody else also has been through similar phases as you, and have come out of it eventually, their experiences teach a lot to us. Teach on how we should deal with things, how they could have done better and what-not!

But for that, it's important to share.
plus, sharing keeps you light-minded most of the time for you can say whatever you wish to, all at once and get done with it instead of keeping it treasured under the ego and let it eat you!

So i am starting this journey on my best friend Ananta's birthday!!
Your feedbacks are welcome!
happy reading :)