QUESTIONING COMMITMENTS, PRIORITIES AND LOVE

Most often, so many of us get tangled between having to deal with the three of these heavy words, that bring with them, a sense of constant need for validation from time to time. And if you so fail to prove yourself, god save you from the emotional ride that is sure to follow!

But lately, I have been on the other side of the scenario- the one in which we demand proof instead.
Honestly, even when I did (indirectly) demand proof of someone's commitment and priorities towards me, I hadn't the slightest of idea how exhausting it must be for someone to try and prove something so simple yet so complex as love, especially when they are in a situation when they already know that they have disappointed you over and over again, even if unintentionally, and also know they couldn't have done any better any way.

Time and again, we fail to understand, they did what they thought was best for them at that moment and probably, in that situation, we weren't their priority; probably they couldn't think of us like we think of them all the time, in each of our decisions and each of our moves; and probably they wouldn't. Ever.

So what will you do now? Stop caring? Call it the end? Is that all?
Maybe we will move on from the incidents, each time. But even when we do move on from the instance,  we fail to let go of the hurt that it caused, so much so that we unintentionally begin to build a wall around ourselves, trying to protect our so-called-fragile heart from another heartbreak by someone we love.

It is funny, you know, how we are trying to guard ourselves from someone who we are the most exposed to. But it is also natural. It is so human.

It is true that little things like how you prioritize your people, how you communicate your sense of commitment towards your relationships with these people directly reflects that you love them. Many of us are gifted with amazing communication skills, so it's gonna be a cake walk for those. But how about those who aren't as good at it? Pity.

Lately, I have come to realize that people may not be good at keeping in touch, may not be able to prioritize you in times you'd like them to, may not even be able to be there for you in certain times of crisis.
To them, you may ask, "Why, then, should I even consider you important?", and your question will certainly remain absolutely valid.
But after you do ask that, pause, and think of a scenario wherein you genuinely want to be there for someone, but your circumstances lead you to choose yourself or something else, over a person you love, in that moment? Be absolutely sure that you are going to have this situation in your life some day ahead, if not already.

Won't you want to be understood that time? Would you like to be questioned like you question?
Would you even care to give a proof, the way you demand from someone else?

I asked myself these questions, and the madness of demanding proof vanished in a jiffy.

Someone can be your priority and yet be rarely in touch with you. You can be absolutely committed to your relationships, especially friendships, and be not very much in touch. And you can also completely do away with all your relationships that do not validate your set of rules; it is absolutely your choice.

As for me -I chose to stay; with the ones who matter to me, after knowing that I matter to them too.

Some of my most valuable relationships are with people who talk to me once in a blue moon, but always ensure they update me about everything happening in their lives. They are also the people who are more than willing to hear me out, if not help me in any other way - and that, is the best kind of help to heal you sometimes.

Also, I have come to terms with a fact that "Understanding" and "Compatibility" does not mean that two people think alike. Rather, it means that two people understand each others' differences of thoughts, actions, perceptions, commitments and priorities, and still choose to be with one another, accept one another.

And most importantly, I have also come to terms with a fact that in any goddamn romantic relationship, MEN WILL TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED- whether knowingly or not, and IT IS JUST HOW THEY ARE PROGRAMMED TO FUNCTION; also THEIR EMOTIONS DO NOT OVER RULE THEM LIKE IT DOES FOR WOMEN.

I have seen my dad taking my mum for granted; my brother taking his girlfriend for granted; my partner taking me for granted; my every girlfriends' partners taking them for granted; even my grandfather taking my grandma's efforts as given! It is just there! You can probably do nothing about it, so stop brooding over it.

This long blog post is also a note to self, for the times ahead,  because I know that I am going to need a lot of self motivating pep talks to keep myself going, for I was the one who chose to stay after all.

WORDS

I don't seek comfort in words anymore.
The more I utter, the more I hurt from within.

I don't seek comfort in words anymore.
The more I hear, the more I believe and the more I expect.

I don't seek comfort in words anymore,
for words are confusing and sometimes deceiving too.

I also don't believe in words anymore.
You need to make your words feel real
and that can not be done by merely uttering more words..

Words.. I used to be drunk and drowned in words once..
But now.. I don't seek comfort in words anymore.

OVERTHINKING

The most overly misused term is 'Overthinking' or 'Over-analyzing'.

For once you have been tagged an overthinker, to every genuine observation you make or feelings you feel or criticism you thereby arrive at, the listener will always turn into your critic, in denial of everything you utter, because 'Hey, you are just overthinking, it is nothing like that'.

It's the worst form of loneliness to be heard but not listened to.
I can feel the lump returning from within, and I know you'll deny it by terming it a hormonal overthinking!
There you go again.
You just tagged me something in your head and I am henceforth unworthy of being taken seriously.

So thank you, for making me feel that my feelings are not real, the hurt is not real, the observations are not real, the criticisms are not real. Tomorrow if you catch me faking my emotions, I won't be guilty because it was you, in the first place, who denied to accept that my feelings are real.

Bearing Vs Accepting: Is that even a battle?

There's a thin line between accepting and bearing with things.

The line is often crossed every now and then,
But no one pay attention to it so much.

Not until bearing with things is the only way you have for accepting it.

But maybe it isn't so bad to bear with things after all.

Maybe there isn't anything so unforgivable after all.

Maybe we were all meant to bear with each other instead of changing each other.

Maybe bearing with things is the only way to accept things after all.

Maybe the word 'bearing' has been overly misused in the wrong context after all.

Who knows?

Gratitude and Grumbling

One moment you are grateful, and in the very next you tend to grumble about the same things that you were grateful for.

And I think, it is only human to do so.

It is as though we are balancing the feeling of gratitude, with the feeling of dissatisfaction (and vice versa), just to attain some sense of stability within; as though happiness isn't the key to peace; as though something else is.

Drunk-Talk Romance

Oh once, there was a phase full of drunk-talk romance,
When nobody ever wanted to just leave a chance
to pour the love out of their heart's tip
after the spirit touched their drab lips.

Oh once, there was a phase when everyone who
did not have the courage to express love
would seek a bourbon whiskey's woo
to find them words to win over their beloved.

Oh once, there was a place where all the drunkards met
some sang songs of joy, while some silently wept,
and that is where I found him, sitting in the dark
with eyes full of stories that tore him apart.

High on whiskey, tipsy was I,
when I went near him,
he saw me, passed a courteous smile
and turned back to his grim.

Curious, I went to try on him my drunk-talk romance,
but found that he's the only one that didn't need this chance.
There was something more to his silence, I wish I had known,
the depth of his silence hid something which I wish he had shown.

Oh once again, I was in this place,
seeking out to give and take some solace,
but this place was still full of drunk-talk romance,
and I couldn't find the one who didn't need this chance.

"Whose Number 1 Are You?"

Your parents have 2,
But their No.1 isn't you.

Your sibling has 1,
But clearly You ain't that one.

Your lover has 4,
But You ain't his either, for sure.

Best friends You have many,
but when You need them, You can't find any.

And pets you have none.
Maybe it is time that you get yourself one!

In the end, only one thing stays true,
that your own No.1 is You.

To My New Understanding Of Siblinghood Psychology

In a very recent encounter, I happened to fall into the trap of feeling like an 'unloved' younger sibling, which was pretty much on contrary to the commonly perceived notion of the younger sibling receiving all the love from the parents, with additional pampering from the elder sibling.

For a long time, I was in fact the most loved at my place, with my elder one always ready to protect me and beat up anyone who happens to be even an inch-close to bullying me as a child.

As we grew up, I realized how he lacked the maturity that an elder one must have; that protectiveness faded, the priorities clearly changed, the love was concealed, and most importantly, there wasn't someone for me to look up to for advice, as opposed to what used to be when we were kids.

And then, there came this time, when I was surrounded by a bunch of elder siblings, who were head-over-heals in love with their younger ones; so much so that they treat them like their 'first baby' (which is the exact phrase that I got when I asked them what makes them love their little one so much). And it was strange because I have never experienced a sibling love of that kind, EVER in my life.

More recently, I have even seen a couple of my closest people shattering down at the sight of pain of their younger one, and I failed to understand why I have not been as loved as these younger siblings.

And so, the most obvious happened; I thought the flaw is in me. I thought I wasn't good enough to be loved like the others. I thought my relationship with my elder one is probably too dysfunctional (which you'll understand if you read my one-liner post on 'Dysfunctional Brotherhood').

But then I understood that this is where the age-gap matters. I saw examples of most dysfunctional siblinghoods wherein the age-gap being too little made all the sense to explain why as adults, these siblings grew apart, and why the love gets concealed, and why the protectiveness fades.

The feeling of 'He/She's almost as old as me' prevails throughout in this relationship, particularly after adulthood.

And more importantly, I understood that what makes a fonder siblinghood is simply the fact that the elder ones is 'elder enough' to have that natural instinct to protect and pamper, and the younger one is 'younger enough' to feel the need to have a safe haven in their elder siblings.

The lack of either (or both) of these, just makes this siblinghood unintentionally distant.

And obviously, things may not be as simplistic as I have put it out here, but I think, this works well as an explanation to gladden my heart that at least, it has got nothing to do with either of us, it is just something beyond our control.

And perhaps, there's still a possibility that this may get better in future, you never know.

A Dysfunctional Brotherhood

Somewhere between feeling jealous of a perfect brotherhood that isn't mine, and feeling guilty about that jealousy, I found myself in utter self-pity

Being Centred Amidst a Rightward Storm

This whole thing started with a thought that arose in my mind this morning; “Amidst a rightward storm that is swaying away the world, it is so difficult to be centred, if not on the left.”

As political as it may seem, this drift is something much bigger- a drift in the world’s thought process, if I may say so- which has apparently been driven by the political motives of global leaders (and supported greatly by the people) if you so look carefully at our world and our society as it is today.

To begin with our country, let us trail a couple of years back in time. Although there have eternally been clashes between different castes, communities and religions in the past too, I do not recall a time wherein our religion was under the threat of being extinct or ruled over. For that matter, every religion was coexisting, although not very harmoniously, but at least did not have the sense of threat of extinction.

Suddenly, every other person, especially elder generations, are panicking that their culture and/or religion is being attacked or is under threat, and suddenly their deep disguised insecurity has surfaced back on top, too loudly indeed. Every opposing mentality is deemed inappropriate. There is suddenly no room for a difference of opinion, no scope for fruitful, healthy debates, no ears for perspectives.

I clearly remember how it was at home, when I was in my teens. Watching progressive talk shows and then debating about it was a normal thing at home, and it always enriched us with perspectives. Now look at the talk shows that you see. These moderators do not seem very neutral as they are supposed to be. On top of it, they slam those whose thoughts do not confirm to their opinions.

I mean, where the hell is freedom of speech nowadays? If I post my opinion anywhere, and if it does not seem to be agreeable, people start immediately slut shaming me! No debating, no arguing! Directly tagging the person as a slut/anti-national/terrorist/shameless, striping off their dignity just because their thoughts oppose yours!

Forget debates, these days artistic freedom is extensively being challenged and being crippled by the conservative mind-set. A couple of Carnatic musicians who were bringing radical changes to the excessively caste-oriented and religion-oriented set up in the Carnatic music industry in Tamil Nadu, have faced so many hate speeches and backlashes, and appeal for being boycotted across the state from performing, and all this for what? For trying to make the art evolve beyond religion! (Read a brief news here). To top it all, the artist who was supporting them is also being targeted, and his concerts being called off! (Read one of the news articles here). 

An Art is independent of any caste, religion, or sect! Art belongs to all and nobody can refrain one from pursuing it, particularly in an independent and democratic country!

Here, it is not the political parties, but the common citizens like you and me that are completely opposing the idea of Carnatic music being more inclusive towards other religions too. It is just so sad.

These are the same people who commended K.J.Yesudas for singing religious songs on Hindu gods despite being a Christian and Bollywood stars like Shah Rukh and Salman doing Ganapati Pooja despite being Muslims; but they cannot bear with the converse of it to happen! 

This whole behavior of this country belonging to one religion alone is so toxic (thanks to the poison that was inflicted back in 1947) and has become interminable now. This is as though we have lent our own land to them, and as though this country is not theirs; as though one religion holds some sort of superiority under some invisible natural law! This country is as much theirs, as is ours. I do not understand why this is so hard to understand!

If these are not right-wing thoughts in everyday life, then what is?  It feels as though our country’s mentality has regressed back to the 80s and 90s! With increasing use of social media, this battle between the conservatives and radicals is even more prominent. And with most youngsters on the left and their parents on the right, the drift in thought process is creating gaps everywhere, including inside families.

Most children end up being either pretentious or give in to the conventional, reactionary, ultra-conservative, and often times unprogressive notions, just to retain peace at home, for it is much more important to put family values above one’s personal views. People like me end up drifting more towards the centre, trying to balance between the left and the right. However, it is also extremely tough to live and sustain such a duality in everyday life.

Now coming to the part which hurts me even more. If only you were thinking that it is only in India, you are sadly mistaken. A friend of mine has recently shifted to Australia, and tells me about how people there are coaxed into conversion into Christianity and how non-Christians are eyed at differently.

The world overall, if you observe, is increasingly being swayed away by the same storm and the lives outside our country are no different, in a larger picture. Capitalism-driven conservatism, protectionism, trade war, currency war, sanctions, attacks on commoners, political coup attempts, corruption and favoritism, anti-social elements, cyber-attacks, election scams, and this list is unending and all pervasive across the world. only a handful of countries are probably spared of these.

The very storm which is filling the people’s minds with this dust is the notion of conservatism altogether (not only in political context) and indeed we are losing our radical, rational and potentially reforming mind-set to this dust. And this isn’t a pleasant news, y’all!

Think of where we are heading now!

मेरे माता पिता की तमिलियन हिन्दी

हिन्दी के प्रति अपना विचार या हिन्दी सीखने का अनुभव साझा करने की बात आई तो मुझे तो यह ही याद आया कि मेरी मातृभाषा तमिल होने के बावजूद, हिन्दी बोलने, पढ़ने या लिखने में मुझे और मेरे बड़े भाई को तो कभी इतनी कठिनाई महसूस नहीं हुई। मगर मेरे माता पिता का यह सफर इतना आसान नहीं रहा। हाँ मगर दिलचस्प ज़रूर था। मेरे माता पिता ऐसी ही अनेक दिलचस्प किस्से हमे सुनाया करते थे, जिनमे से कुछ मैं आज आप के साथ बँटना चाहूंगी।  

एक किस्सा- मुर्गा का मंदिर 

मेरे पिता, श्री एस. वेंकटरामन, सन 1982 में जब तमिल नाडु के कुंबकोणम नामक एक प्रसिद्ध नगर से काम की तलाश में निकले, तो घूमते भटकते वे दिल्ली आ पहुंचे। हिन्दी बोलना तो दूर, वे उन लोगो में से एक थे जो एक समय पर तमिल नाडु के हिन्दी-विरोधी आंदोलनों का पक्ष लेते थे। शायद कभी सपने में भी सोचा न होगा उन्होने कि न केवल वे, परंतु उनकी आने वाली पीड़ी भी हिन्दी से इस तरह जुडने वाली है कि मानो हिन्दी जैसे उनकी अपनी मातृभाषा हो।

यह उन दिनों की बात है जब गूगल मैप्स नहीं थे, गूगल ट्रैंज्लेटर के विचार ने भी जन्म नहीं लिया था और अधिकांश लोगो के पास मोबाइल फोन नहीं थे। एक दिन मेरे पिता दिल्ली के एक प्रसिद्ध मंदिर के दर्शन करने निकल पड़े। हिन्दी बोलना जानते नहीं, और जगह का नाम मालूम नहीं। बस यह मालूम था उन्हे कि यह भगवान कार्तिकेय का एक सुंदर और विशाल मंदिर है, और दक्षिण भारत के लोगों ने इस मंदिर की स्थापना की है। मेरे पिता जी ने ऑटो बुलाया और बोले ‘मुझे मुर्गा का मंदिर जाना है’। ऑटो वाला चौक गया कि ये कौनसी जगह है दिल्ली में जहां मुर्गे की पूजा होती है। ऑटो वाले ने फिरसे दोहराने को कहा, और मेरे पिता ने फिर से बोला उन्हे कि ‘मुझे मुर्गा का मंदिर जाना है’। ऑटो वाले ने मौका देखा उन्हे उल्लू बनाने का, और ले चले 30 किलो मिटर दूर एक मुर्गा मार्केट नमक चिकन बाज़ार में और कहा ‘ये रहा मुर्गा का मंदिर’। मेरे पिता हैरान होकर सोच में पड़ गए कि ‘मैंने ऐसा क्या बोल दिया इन्हे जो मुझ शाकाहारी को ऐसी जगह ले आया ये आदमी’। बेचारे मेरे पिता, वहाँ से दूसरा ऑटो पकड़ कर वापस घर चले आए।

दरअसल हुआ यह कि तमिल में भगवान कार्तिकेय को मुरुगा (या मुरूगन) बोलते हैं। हिन्दी न मालूम होने के कारण भगवान कार्तिकेय की जगह उन्हे मुर्गो के दर्शन मिल गए। कई दिनों बाद उन्हे पता चला कि उस मंदिर का नाम है ‘मलई मंदिर’ जो दक्षिण दिल्ली के आर.के.पुरम नमक जगह में स्थित है। आज भी जब हम उस मंदिर के दर्शन करने जाते हैं, मेरे पिता उनही यादों के साथ यह कहानी फिरसे दोहराते हैं।

माँ के शिक्षक हम

अपने शहर चेन्नई के बाहर की दुनिया से बिलकुल अंजान, मेरी माँ, श्रीमति एस. गीता, दिल्ली आ पहुंची सन 1991 में, शादी के तुरंत बाद। अब गृहणी होतीं तो आस पड़ोस के लोगों से घुलने मिलने का समय होता और इसी बहाने थोड़ी हिन्दी भी सीख लेतीं। मगर वे ठहरीं कामकाजी महिला जो केवल अंग्रेजी से काम चला लेती थीं। हिन्दी सीखना तो दूर उन्हे हिन्दी सुनने में भी कोई दिलचस्पी नहीं थी। आज भी याद है वो दिन जब मैं और मेरा भाई आपस में हिन्दी में बात करने लगे थे, और हमारी माँ ने हमे डांटा कि ये कौन सी एलियन भाषा में बात कर रहे हो, तमिल में बात करो घर में।

परंतु यह समय भी बदला। अब सरकारी दफ्तर में काम करने के कारण उन्हे हिन्दी में कार्य करना सीखना पड़ा। तब हम भी स्कूल में हिन्दी सीखने लगे थे। वो दिन भी बड़े ही दिलचस्प थे जब हम स्कूल से हिन्दी सीख कर आते और शाम को अपनी माँ को घर में हिन्दी बोलना सिखाते थे। हमारी माँ हमेशा वस्तुयों के लिंगों को उलट पुलट कर देती थी, और हम उनकी इस नादानी पर हस्ते रहते। 27 साल हो गए पर आज भी हम उनकी इस विकलता को दूर नहीं कर पाये हैं। माँ हमे स्कूल टोप्पर बनाने के लिए रोज़ हमे पढ़ाया करती थीं, और हम उन्हे उनके हिन्दी कि परीक्षा पास कराने में मदद करते। अपनी माँ को कुछ सिखाने का मौका हर किसी को नहीं मिलता। यह एक और वजह है कि हिन्दी मेरे दिल के इतने करीब है।

यह सच है कि सबको अपनी मातृभाषा सीखनी चाहिए। शायद इसी कारण हमारे माता पिता ने हमे ऐसे स्कूल में पढ़ाया जहां हिन्दी के साथ साथ हम अपनी मातृभाषा में भी कार्य करने के लिए सक्षम बनें। इतना ही नहीं, हमारे घर में एक नियम है कि घर के अंदर कदम रखते ही कोई हिन्दी में बात नहीं करेगा, सारी बातें केवल तमिल में होंगी। कई बार जब गलती से हिन्दी में हम कुछ बात कह भी देते थे तो उस बात का कोई उत्तर हमे नहीं मिलता था। और शायद इनहि कुछ उसूलों और नियमों के कारण आज हम दोनों भाषाएँ बोल, पढ़ और लिख सकते हैं। पर कहते हैं कि जिस भाषा में आप सोचते हो वही भाषा सही माइने में आपकी अपनी भाषा होती है। तमिल भले ही मेरे लिए अत्यंत प्रिय है, पर मैं सोचती हिन्दी में हूँ। शायद इसलिए मेरा मानना है कि तमिल मेरी मातृभाषा है और हिन्दी मेरे मन की भाषा है।

ये जुनून-II

मेरा जुनून साहिल है।
साहिल, जो मेरे भीतर है।
जिसमें भीगी हूं मैं। डूबी हूं मैं। आकंठ।
साहिल, जिसका किनारा भी मैं। मौज भी मैं।


साहिल, जिसे सोचकर ही मुस्कुरा लेती हूं मैं।
जिसे बिना देखे भी देख लेती हूं मैं।
जिससे न टकराकर भी, मिल लेती हूं मैं।
साहिल, जिससे होकर गुज़रती हूं मैं रोज़ाना।
साहिल, जो थोड़ा सा मेरे भीतर और उतर जाता है रोज़ाना। 

Why I walk away

If I love you, I would never ask you for too much. Neither attention, nor anything fancy or material.

If you've known me, you'll know that I either love or I don't.
I know not anything in the middle;  There is no grey area in my love. And this applies to my love for my friends too

But, I stay only till I'm respected, even if not loved back with the same intensity.

As long as my love is being respected, and I'm being respected, I need nothing in return from you.

Else, I walk away, with no answers given, no questions asked.

And I'll tell you why.
I may love you with all passion, with all my heart and soul into you. I can go leaps and bounds in love.
But I love myself as much or even more than I love anyone else.

So if I see myself being disrespected, or my love being disrespected, there's no going back from there.
No redemption. No amends.
I drift. That's that.

ये जुनून

मेरा जुनून "साहिल" है।
"साहिल", जो मेरे भीतर है।
जिसमें भीगी हूं मैं। डूबी हूं मैं। आकंठ।
"साहिल", जिसका किनारा भी मैं, और मौज भी मैं।

(विशेष धन्यवाद उन्हें, जिन्होंने मेरे जुनून को पहचान कर मेरे लिए यह लिखा)

Can I, please, just live as I am?

Can I, for once, just say how empty I feel, without being judged for being so emotional?

Can I, for once, just show my emotions out, without being asked to be more tough?

Can I, for once, just shed out my anger, without being told that I'm a total emotional piece of wreck?

Can I, for once, just let myself be true to every natural human feeling, without being adviced that emotions make you weak?

Can I, please, for once, just talk it all out to you without being given a pile of suggestions and advices to follow?

And Can I, for once, just rely on you for being my listener, and not my judge or guide at this moment?

Why is there an urge in everyone to show themselves as someone so tough and rigid and almost stone-like on the outside?

Why is there an urge in people to do everything possible to conceal their vulnerabilities?

And Why is there an urge in people to immediately tell people to toughen up, the very moment they feel something deeper than they're told to feel?

I don't understand how this masked life works really!
Can I, please, just live as I am, without having to pay a price for every genuine word I say and every genuine deed I do?

Can I, please?

Knowing so little; Being so little

Punched two new holes in my heart;
One from my expectations and another from the disappointment that followed.

Words matter just as much as actions do.
For sometimes, all I expected from the world is a few kind, meaningful and genuine words.

But little did I know that kind words either make no meaning to people today, or lack genuineness in its very basis.

Then, I expected a few kind actions from the people around me.  But little did I know that kind actions have some hidden intentions too.

Little did I know that all this while, the very problem was the expectations, and that the disappointment was meant to follow.

Soul (Sole) Freedom- 2

Every dictator is a dictator solely because he knows that the people will follow what he commands them to.
To be a rebel you needn't make noise and protest that you will not take the suppression and oppression.
Such rebels seem to me as fools, who go around gathering more and more crowd in support.

Instead if you choose to be what you want to be, do what you want to do and believe that in any which ways, you are already free, and this sense of freedom in action is imbibed in every soul in this earth, there can be no human power that can control us.

But unfortunately, this needs a deeper spiritual connection with our own soul. (which we lack).
And a conviction that we are in fact the master of our own life, and nobody else can be that but us.

What we do have instead is fear.
And where there is fear, my friend, there can never be freedom.

Look at history and you will find that only the fearless have been free throughout.
No one human is more powerful than the other.
We are fools to associate someone with power due to the fear that they may have something that we do not.

How foolish. Don't you see, he has the same flesh and blood, bones and nerves that I have in me?
How can he be anything more than me?

Never, ever, believe someone has the power to make you kneel, bow or fall on their feet.
Never, ever, believe that some human can be as mighty as god,
and if you do see god in someone, realize that the same god is in you too.
Never, ever, make a human your god.

Soul (Sole) Freedom

There are people who love me beyond compare.
But I wouldn't like to believe that I am their whole life.

I may be someone extremely significant to them,
But I wouldn't like to believe that they won't survive without me.

I may be someone they think is indispensable for their lives to be complete,
But I wouldn't like to believe that I am irreplaceable.

And it is this belief of mine that sets my soul free.

कलम की कहानी / Kalam ki Kahani

ज़िंदगी एक किताब और हम मात्र एक कलम हैं।

लिखना क्या है मालूम नहीं, फिर भी हम लिखते जाते हैं।

  

पर हर कलम की लिखी कहानी अज़ीज़, हर कलम की रंगीन स्याही अज़ीज़ है।

और लिखते लिखते बन जाने वाली सैकड़ों नयी किताबें अज़ीज़ है।

लिखते लिखते एक दिन स्याही ख़त्म होने को आई तो  

कलम ने उस लेखक से पूछा “ये कैसी किताब लिखवाई है?

कोई दिलचस्प कहानी नहीं है, कोई बड़ी कामयाबी नहीं है।

हर पन्ना बस एक जैसा, मेरे जीवन में कुछ भी सुहानी नहीं है।”

लेखक बोला “मैंने लिखवाया तुमसे वोही जो तुमसे लिखा जा सकता था। हर रोज़ मर्रे की कहानी में भी, तू कुछ निराला बना सकता था।  

सबकी कहानी मै तो केवल एक ही तरह लिखवाता हूँ। जैसा कलम चाहता है, मै तो वैसा ही लिखता जाता हूँ।”

काश कलम को पता होता की ये जो उसका जीवन है, इसमे लेखक लिखता वो है जो कलम को लिखने का मन है।

कलम तुम्हारा ये जीवन भी ऐतिहासिक बन जाएगा, जब रोज़ मर्रा के जीवन में कुछ निराला तू कर जाएगा।

कोई इसे पढ़े न पढ़े, तेरा जीवन सफल हो जाएगा, गर स्याही ख़त्म होजाने तक तू मन का गीत लिख जाएगा, बस मन का गीत लिख जाएगा, बस मन का गीत लिख जाएगा।

Mumbling Mind is Not-So-Kind

With a mind full of mumbles on a day full of workload, I wonder how to put this brain to work.

With a mind full of mumbles on a night full of silence, I wonder how to put this body to rest.

With a mind full of mumbles at a dawn of tranquillity, I wonder how to make this mind go numb.

And when all of my days have slowly begun to vanish, I wonder where have I been gone for so long?